Castlevania: Return to the Nocturnal Symphony
by Lord Vetinari
Summary: Based off of SOTN with a bit of COTM. It takes place after Alucard defeats Dracula, but it turns out he has to move back in with his dad...
1. Prologue

::A string of multiple humorous events filled my imagination while I replayed Castlevania SOTN again, and I decided to put them in order and paste them up here 'cause.. They're funny. (At least, I think so..) Thus was born Castlevania: Return to the Nocturnal Symphony, a Fanfic. Anyway, I don't own Castlevania, Alucard, Dracula, Richter, Maria, Camille, Nathan, George W. Bush, Lestat, Sephiroth, Marth, Spongebob Squarepants, Obi Wan Kenobi or pretty much any one else I might end up putting in here, so please don't sue me! Also, I haven't the faintest as to locations in Romania, so I made up names for them. This is obvious. Just don't flame me for it. ::  
  
The catacombs in Themiddleofnowhere, Romania, were just as damp and dark as Alucard had remembered them to be. The moldy air was somewhat suffocating, but he purged on in comfort of the thought that once he was back in his coffin, he could sleep the rest of eternity, sealing his powers once and for all. Of course, he didn't notice how that's what he thought the first time he had done this. But that was a couple hundred years ago, so it would probably turn different this time around. Hopefully, Richter and Maria would return to their village, Thatoneplacetheycamefrom, safely and unharmed, and Dracula was gone. Again. Hopefully for good, but the gleam in the Konami producers' eyes didn't comfort him..  
  
Anyway, he had finally returned to the room he had placed his coffin in to find it was.. Gone. In place were four men in camo outfits, lifting particular coffin-sized box.  
  
"Ahem." The miffed dhampir cleared his throat, hoping to get their attention. "What are you doing?" One of them turned to the seemingly- young man.  
  
"Hmm? Oh! The coffin! This is part of the President's 'Home Security' plan."  
  
".." Alucard brilliantly stated. "..What president..?"  
  
"George W. Bush.?" Another man stated, wondering why Alucard didn't know.  
  
"Who..?"  
  
"George Bush..? The President of the United States..? Leader of the Free World..?"  
  
".." There was a lovely awkward silence. Finally one man left his post from a corner of the box, (letting the entire thing drop and startling/overworking the other three,) and showed Alucard a notice.  
  
"Here. This states that we have the right to take this coffin as part of our 'Home Security' plan for scientific research." Alucard read the notice as the four quickly left out of the catacombs, leaving him coffin-less.  
  
" 'I hereby give my soldiers the right to take whatever they may find in the catacombs of Themiddleofnowhere, Romania, as they see fit. Anyone who opposes this note will suffer the wrath of my newly-made army of rubber duckies I have made for the Home Land Security. Beware. They squeak loud. George W. Bush, December Somethingorother-st, 2002.' ..What are rubber duckies..? Isn't it still 1797??" Alucard turned to ask the four soldiers to find out that he was alone in the room, save some rat that was scuttling along the floor. Sighing, he figured that once again, he would have to travel back to the village of Themiddleofnowhere to find a new one.  
  
Still puzzling over what the heck a 'rubber ducky' was, the young hybrid walked the distance towards the village, when a thick fog set in. The harder he tried to travel in a straight line, the harder it seemed to know if he was succeeding or not. The muddy trail soon became hard and solid, while the bushes and grass along the sides faded away into rocks and pebbles. Alucard became more and more worried that he was no longer on his way to Themiddleofnowhere. The fog suddenly left as fast as it came, leaving in plain view an impressive castle on a cliff above a large body of water.  
  
"Welcome home." He mumbled to himself. 


	2. And it's Just the Beginning

The moonlight was bright Upon that night When the owner wandered home.  
  
Unwillingly he had to return Back to the place he so wished to burn A "modest" and "humble" abode.  
  
The stars shone innocently While unseen eyes grew shifty All of them staring at the son of Dracula,  
  
A place so spiffy, And my golly this poem is nifty! Welcome back to Castlevania.  
  
There was no harm in returning, his mind rapidly thought, Dracula was dead! (Again.) Besides, this was the place he was born and raised in..! And there would be hordes of undead skeletons and medusa heads to protect him! All kinds of excuses ran through Alucard's mind as he stepped up the steep trail back to the castle as to why he had to go. The problem was that Castlevania rarely popped up in front of people unless it wanted them to go in.. Rather, if Dracula wished for them to come to him..  
  
When he finally approached the drawbridge, he looked back behind him, wondering whether or not he should just run away, free of this place, and pretend that he didn't know his father was most likely in there again. The menacing fog swallowed the path behind him, warning him not to even dare retreat. Well, he finally thought, maybe Father has a spare coffin.. I'll just take that, kill him (again,) and leave. He quickly crossed the wooden bridge, trying not to look down into the murky, green, skeleton-filled moat. Once he passed the gate, both drawbridge and gates closed automatically. Then, suddenly, a familiar laugh echoed in the front courtyard.  
  
"Ah! Alucard!" A flying scythe materialized out of light, and soon its owner followed suit. "How nice to see you again."  
  
"I wish I could say the same, Death." He sighed.  
  
"My master wishes to see you. He's up in the inconspicuous, tallest tower." Alucard cocked his head in curiosity.  
  
"Wait.. Why is my father your master..?" Death hesitated, confused by the question. "You're an anthropomorphic figure of a concept, and you're supposed to be the ultimate end to all living things, so why is a vampire your master??"  
  
"." Death answered.  
  
"..Don't tell me you honestly don't know." Alucard heavily sighed again. Curse those Konami writers!  
  
"Anyway." Death started, changing the subject, "I just want to get this message over with so I can terrorize some kid's nightmares again. Draculasaidthathewantedtoseeyou'causehemissesyousomuchasafatherandhe'salsore allyboredandhewantedtowatchtheuncutversionof'LordoftheRings'withyou(he'sgoti nonDVD)andI'mdonewithmymessagesobye." The robed skeleton faded. The annoyed dhampir stared at the author for purposefully messing with time and placing technology in the past. Confident in her funny-ness, she glared right back. Seeing that he was back at Castlevania again, Alucard remembered he could call his familiars back.  
  
"BAT FAMILIAR!" He yelled, taking out a card and holding it in the air, "I CHOOSE YOU!!" The card flashed and disappeared, and soon a cute bat came to his aid, happy to serve his master once more.  
  
"Eep!" The happy bat cried.  
  
"I'm glad to see you too." Alucard said, actually smiling.  
  
"IT'S ANOTHER VAMPIRE!!" Someone to his right yelled. That someone charged right at him, whip flailing. Alucard instinctively dodged to the left, barely avoiding the stampeding slayer and barely grazed by his whip. The attacker stopped, seeing his unplanned yet would-have-been-effective attack had failed, and turned to the dhampir. "You!!" He yelled as though he didn't know how to put his voice to a lower volume, "Where's my master?!" Before Alucard could respond, his bat familiar rammed into the young man, knocking him to the ground. "Guh!" He yelped in the lack of a better sound effect. The bat, proud of his kill, landed on Alucard's shoulder and leaned against his head, proudly sticking out its chest.  
  
"What is this 'master' you speak of?" Alucard asked, not minding the fact that the man he was questioning was just rammed down and had the wind knocked right out of him.  
  
"My master.. He went.. to fight.. Dracula.." He panted, unable to get up. "My friend.. Hugh.. He's in the castle.. as well."  
  
"You're not a Belmont, are you..?" Alucard cautiously asked.  
  
"No." The slayer answered in a confused tone, but finally able to get up and dust himself off.  
  
"Good. I don't want to fight any vampire slayers." The young man looked disgusted and hurt.  
  
"I'm Nathan Graves! My family is a newer breed of vampire slayers, but just as effective!"  
  
"..Right." The dhampir replied. "Either way, Nathan, I suggest you may as well leave right now. This castle is no place for the living."  
  
"But both my master and Hugh are in there! I can't just leave them!" Alucard hesitated in replying when a new thought came into his mind.  
  
"Does it seem.. odd to you, how we all speak in modern English..?" Since the blank look on Nathan's face told him that he had no idea what Alucard was asking, he decided to drop that concept. "I'm sorry that your master and friend are in there, but I wouldn't suggest going in yourself. There's a lot of annoying medusa heads, skeletons, ravens, winged guards, a librarian.." Nathan frowned.  
  
"Do you think I care for your opinion, VAMpire??" He spat the last word as though it were some bug that flew into his mouth.  
  
"First of all," the dhampir replied in a calm tone, "I'm a dhampir, a human- vampire hybrid. Second of all, I wouldn't suggest insulting me; I am the son of Dracula an no less powerful. Third, I've lived here for quite a while, so I would know whether or not you should risk your life in this place." The young slayer paused, unsure as to how to respond. "Alright," Alucard finally started, "your life is your own to lose. But I'm afraid I have some business to deal out with my father myself." With that, he left.  
  
Once inside, he paused. This entrance room was much different than before. Sure, he had known for some time that the building, being one of chaos, loved to change, but this.. This was just plain extreme. It looked like a preschool classroom, filled with lots of toys, a few snacks, and even a bunch of stuffed animals in the corner. Since when did Castlevania feel like being cute rather than menacing..? Figuring it was a guise, our protagonist quietly shifted along the tiny desks and chairs, his familiar taking to flight once more. Out of the counter sinks on the left wall flew three mermen in a sudden attack!  
  
Alucard threw a couple of daggers at the closest one as his familiar rammed repeatedly into the furthest. A diagonal slice ended his first target, so the dhampir rushed in attack, sword held by his side and pointing forward, ad the second. Stabbed by six-inches of metal, the merman blasted as many fireballs as it could while in pain. However, he was finished off by a swift attack by the familiar at the base of his neck. Alucard threw a dagger into the third and wounded merman, and it collapsed, dead.  
  
"Well." Alucard announced to his bat, who gleefully flew around in circles around his head, "That was interesting.."  
  
About half an hour and two level-ups later, the white-haired pretty boy had climbed to the top of the inconspicuous, tallest tower, blood-drenched sword in his hand ready for battle, bat on his head ready for sleep.  
  
"Welcome back, Adrian Fahrenheit Tepes!" An all-too-familiar voice warmly announced. All Alucard could see was his father's bed next to the right wall, the desk and drawers on the left side, the fireplace in front of him, and several comfortable chairs silhouetted in front of it. He assumed that his father was in one of the chairs. "I was hoping you could've gotten here sooner; the popcorn's gone cold." The most famous vampire stood from his chair, turning to face his son and cape flowing impressively.  
  
"Father!" Alucard exclaimed, furious at having to face him once more, "How did you resurrect yourself so fast this time?! It hasn't even been a month!"  
  
"I know, I know.." Dracula acknowledged, looking down smugly, "I've set a new record that will be hard for anyone to beat. You see, I was hoping I could explain it to you while you stayed here. You ARE staying here for a while, right..? Seeing that your coffin has been taken..?" There was a disturbingly hopeful tone in his voice. Alucard refused to let his enmity down.  
  
"How did you know that my c-?!" He was suddenly shoved aside and to the floor by what smelled like a Belmont.  
  
"Die, monster!" Another familiar voice yelled, its owner pointing angrily at the vampire. "You don't belong here!"  
  
"It was not by MY hand that I was once again given flesh!" Dracula snapped back. "I was brought back by a huuuman, who wished to pay me tribute!"  
  
"Tribute?!" The Belmont cried in disbelief. "You steal men's souls and make them your slaves!!"  
  
"Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions." Was the sharp reply.  
  
"Your words are as empty as your soul!" This made both Tepes flinch. "Mankind ill needs a savior such as you!"  
  
"What is a man?" Dracula asked rhetorically. Unable to find a glass in his hand, he looked around on the table near the fireplace, on the mantle, found and grabbed a goblet, returned to his position, and finally threw it down. "A miserable pile of lies. But enough talk! Have at you!!" He grabbed his bowl of popcorn and threw it at the vampire slayer. Alucard, who had stood silently in the corner, decided to talk to leave the room. Unsure as to what to do, he wandered absentmindedly to the room that was his when he lived there centuries ago.  
  
"Brings back memories." He said half to himself, half to the sleeping familiar on his head. Looking out of the window, he saw the inconspicuous, tallest tower glowing. Looked like quite the battle. "So much for 'get a spare coffin and go'.." He sighed. The dhampir laid on his bed after placing his bat onto one of the rafters, contemplating what to do now. He was too worried of his powers being used for evil purposes that he didn't want to risk living in a human village, but he despised his father too much in all of his vampiric 'glory' to live with him for the rest of eternity.. He would have to wait until tomorrow at least to find out where his father kept all of his spare coffins. (He had many a spare to place about the castle as false alarms for intruding slayers.)  
  
Suddenly an idea popped into his head. Why not go into a saving point? They usually made a coffin around him when he saved the game! He turned on his side, ready to get up when the soft, feather pillows and down-filled covers seduced him into just sleeping for tonight, searching for coffins later.  
  
"Morning, son!" The happy outcry startled the poor hybrid up and out of his comfortable bed. Daylight had filled the room; it was midmorning. Startled and confused, Alucard searched wildly for the source of the burst of noise. Almost as surprising was the source. In the doorway stood his father, covered in clothes, a thick cape, gloves, sunglasses, a huge scarf, and turban. (All in a fashionable black, of course.) There wasn't a single square inch of visible flesh, and thus how he was out in the middle of day. "Here's to a looong stay together once again! Just you and I! Father and son!!" Alucard was unable to blink, his eyes were so wide.  
  
"What ever said..! That I..! I would be staying..?!" It seemed as though Dracula was smiling, but there was no way to tell.  
  
"Well, your coffin's gone, it's midday, there are three vampire slayers prowling about.. Why not?? C'mere! Give Daddy a hug!" A blood-curdling scream filled the castle grounds.  
  
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" 


End file.
